The Rollercoaster
Life is a very complicated thing. There are so many different ups and downs that take you on this rollercoaster that often times you didn’t want to go on in the first place. Everyone will have the high times when they are at the top, scared of what will come next, but brave enough to raise their hands and scream and smile. But, there will also be those low moments, when for a moment you worry that the cart will jump off the tracks and just keep plummeting straight into the ground. And of course, there are different endings too. Some leave the rollercoaster ride with so much adrenaline and excitement running through their veins, and others suffer from minor bruises and whiplash.
What makes our rollercoaster scenario even more difficult, is that we often are on the ride alone; or alone with a couple of screaming kids. In fact, we often find ourselves searching frantically for the conductor, just to make sure someone is in charge of starting and stopping the ride (and hopefully not a teenage nobody either).
As the women in the silent ranks, left behind as the men go off to war, we are constantly fighting our own battles here, but unlike our men, we don’t have an entire army behind us: we often only have ourselves. So why would we ever want to ride a rollercoaster alone anyway? Maybe it’s the adrenaline rush at the high moments, or maybe it’s the feeling of relief at end. Maybe we do it to show we are brave too. Whatever the reason you want to use to try and explain why you would get on a rollercoaster alone is fine by me, but I can tell you the reason why we’re all still stuck on this ride: love.
I fell onto the rollercoaster when I was in high school, and I eventually ran screaming off of it. I was scared, I was nervous and the last thing I wanted was to be on it alone. I thought for the longest time it was because I was too weak, and that I couldn’t handle the pressure, but what I learned instead was that there wasn’t a good reason for me to be on the rollercoaster in the first place, so it was alright that I jumped off. Now though, I somehow wondered upon that rollercoaster again, but this time, I’m strapped in and doing everything I can to enjoy the ride with the hope that when it finally stops, I can take the ride one more time, but this time with my sailor by my side. This time I’ll stay on because, this time there is love.
Right before his deployment, I began searching the Internet for other women in similar circumstances as myself. I found quite a few wonderful supports sites (Dear Deployment, I Hate You became my favorite), but I still felt I was missing some sort of connection. I had so much going on, and by the time the deployment began, I felt more alone than ever. But, there were some things I promised myself before he left: I would never give up hope, I would give it my all and I would make myself happy so when he came home, I’ll still be here waiting for him; happy and in love.
So, from that I created D3Y: “Defeating Deployment, Defining Yourself”. I decided I didn’t want to go through this deployment alone, and I wanted to do something that can help others as well. With D3Y, I hoped to give a place where people with military loved ones (husbands, boyfriends, fiancés, brothers, fathers, uncles, friends, etc.) could work together to achieve their goals while passing the time that their loved ones are away. So often it is easy to fall victim to our own fears and our own depressions. I hoped through this that we could build a community of love and support to work together to make our lives happier, healthier and whole.
Someone once told me, “You can’t expect anyone to love you until you love yourself.” I used to think they were crazy. How could I love myself if nobody loved me? But I learned (the hard way) that they were right. So that was one thing I swore I would work on, was loving myself, and being happy with myself and my life. I couldn’t just do things that would make others happy, but I had to do them for me. From that I created my goals, and slowly I realized there were so many others out there with deployed SOs that had the same goals as me.
So now, we are here. I am working on building my community. D3Y is here to help you in so many ways, and I truly hope I am able to make a difference. D3Y is here to help you reach your goals: weight-loss, money management, happiness standards, etc. D3Y is here as a support network to find others with the same goals and same struggles. It’s a place to vent, and a place to rejoice. It’s a place to make a better life for yourself, because you deserve it. You don’t have to wallow in the hurt. You don’t have to cry yourself to sleep every night. (Though you are allowed to—we all do sometimes). But you are also allowed to make changes, and try and be happy. Think about it. If you went away for months or even a year, wouldn’t you feel better knowing that the people you left behind miss you, but are doing alright without you? Even better, maybe they are doing things to make their lives better for you? So why don’t you try the same.
I’m not sure all of what will come out of D3Y, obviously as we are just in the beginning stages, but I’m really hoping to help change people’s lives for the better. I honestly think it is possible if we all work together and support one another. With encouragement, support, guidance and advice, I believe we can all come out the other side of a deployment, knowing we worked hard, and once our SOs come home, we can all live happy, healthy and whole lives together.
Thank you, and welcome to D3Y.
-Joey
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